My experience with mental health is an understated one , there is no breakdown or attempts at taking my own life , there was a lot of sleeping, exhaustion, plastering a false smile on my face, and being the life and soul of a party
I managed to go to work and function day to day very well (or so I thought) , I’d have fun , I ‘d laugh , I would joke , I would date and dance and support friends, I would succeed at work and chase my dreams but inside I was often crippled with anxiety . There was no real reason for me to feel this way my life was pretty great, I had supportive family and friends , and because of this I would blame working too hard , having a bug, my migraines and a host of other things for how i would feel .
I didn’t do this because I was trying to hide what was really going on in my mind. I did this because it was the only explanation for how I was feeling I needed something tangible, something that made sense so I could try and deal with it .
Because I didn’t fully understand what or why I was feeling I never got the support I probably needed , instead I had endless doctors appointments about headaches , fatigue , nauseous and every other strange symptom I was feeling tested endlessly only to be told there was nothing wrong . I was all good though, I had friends who had suffered a whole lot more with mental health so I felt I wasn’t justified to go get help , as I wasn’t as bad as some people , like how could I be going to the doctors or relying on family and friends for support just because I felt a bit down ? when others were so ill.
Looking back I think this happens to a lot of people , we don’t see mental illness as something that can be subtle , so when we get these feelings we force ourselves to get up and show up. When we think we are keeping it together and convincing ourselves and everyone else that we are fine , it’s often very obvious to those around us. I had these low points many times over the years and used many unhealthy things to cope such as drinking , partying and even prescription medication , but just looking like I was out enjoying my life. My family have since told me at many points they became very very worried about me , all the while I plastered a smile on and thought no one even noticed,
I don’t know specifically when things began to turn for me in how I viewed my mental health, but I do remember getting to a point where I could no longer hide it , when it began to spill out into my life, trying to excuse it away was not going to work, and I knew i had to do something.
My relief somewhat came from being honest telling people when I felt anxious , that relief in being honest didn’t make me instantly feel better , but it felt so good not to be carrying it alone anymore instead of trying to brave it out , over time I began recognising when I was in a dark place and using what I like to call my tool box to care for myself in this time .
Meditation looking back saved my life , I think without that i’d be in a very different place right now , i hung to it like a life jacket when i felt my head was barely staying above water , when i felt like any moment i would plunge under and never be able to get back to the surface again.
My tool box consists of things like mediation, journaling , yoga , and CBD, the things I know together can help me climb back out when I feel myself sinking . I now run my own CBD company Planthaya , and so many people reach out daily who are in that same place as me , perhaps they don’t feel they warrant getting help from a professional or don’t want to worry family or friends for nothing , as they are managing , but they are desperate for something to help them stay above water and I know that feeling well .
I’ve made so many friends through my business because I relate to that feeling of being sucked down deep on the inside whilst keeping up appearances on the outside , I check in with them all to see how they are doing , as I know how important that was for me to have some ask how are you feeling , sometimes it’s hard to reach out to someone else to tell them how things are going but when someone else initiates that conversation ,it opens a door for some relief.
CBD isn’t a miracle cure , and i think our customers trust in what i say because i am so honest with them about the benefits, I like to say it’s like having a radio full blast in your head ,and my CBD helps turn down the volume , i can hear myself think and regain some control this allows me to implement my other tool’s, like mediation , journaling and yoga without feeling totally frozen and unable to help myself .
I’m beginning to create a platform within our website for people like this to connect with each other , as sometimes we don’t want to talk to someone close and a kind stranger is what we need someone with an ear and understanding. We have people contributing in all areas of wellness and wellbeing as I dont think its a buy a product to fix this kind of thing, taking care of your wellbeing and your mental health takes an accumulation of things, and we want to provide information so people can create their own tool boxes , just like the one that saved me .
Stacey is the owner of Planthaya – Wellness you can trust .
Connect with me on socials @planthaya